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I recently made the decision to stay 100% sober for the next 60 days. Today is day 10. A few months back I gave up alcohol for 30 days and it was awesome. I watched myself go from feeling ho hum each day to feeling awake, alive, creative, and inspired. I made my website during that time even. But since then I’ve watched myself slowly slip back into old habits, relying on external comforts to “take the edge off” and escape. Don’t get me wrong I’m not a raging alcoholic or drug user, not even close, but I really don’t think that matters. It’s easy to compare yourself to others and rationalize to yourself that what you’re doing is ok. I’m not falling for it. I think each and every one of us is born knowing exactly what is and isn’t good for us. Over time we just forget. Or we let the pain of life, boredom, or even our friends bully us into ignoring the loud and clear signs that our bodies and minds are constantly sending us. We’re bullied into ignoring and rationalizing our way into idle comfort and so far from the hopes and dreams we once had that eventually we can’t even recognize those dreams. Well I for one will not be bullied. This life is mine to create not hide from, drown out, or numb away. For me it’s a clear choice. I can either create or I can drink. I can either express myself and do something good or I can escape. I can either follow my dreams or I can reach for my “pacifier”. It’s one or the other and nobody’s going to tell me what to choose. Everyday the choice is mine and for the next 2 months at least, I choose to live my life consciously.
In my life it’s been impossible to ignore the catastrophic consequences of giving in to life’s pleasures. When I was a kid I would often go with my mom to Alcoholic’s and Narcotic’s Anonymous meetings. My dad was a heavy drug user and drinker in his younger days and died of liver disease 6 months before I was born. And I grew up going to Victory Outreach church, a place well known for welcoming with open arms people who have seen the depths of such absolute despair and desperation that most of us couldn’t possibly imagine because of drugs, alcohol, and gangs. I’ve grown up my whole life dead set against ending up that way, but life is long and I can see myself slowly slipping away sometimes. Time to reel it back in. I’ll keep you posted.
